Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
