worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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