Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
