we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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