my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
