for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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