Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
