i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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