I just pynch a tree in the face
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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