if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
