You really coming over, don't trick.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
