It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
