I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
