Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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