Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
