Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I did not marry a roomba.
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