just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
did i walk over a car last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize