im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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