i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize