Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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