I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
