in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
