So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
