I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
