Already got asked if we're dating
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
