What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
