Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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