I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
