That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I intend to get homeless drunk
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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