I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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