Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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