I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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