Just fell off a train. Bad.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
