Your dad touched me again.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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