After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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