Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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