when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
false alarm. still invincible.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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