I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
