worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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