OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
