Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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