I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
