i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
