I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
