Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
