I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
