oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
