so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
