I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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