Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
