I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
