I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
