we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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