Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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