I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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