If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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