Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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