The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
