do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
