just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
