dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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