i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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