Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I party with great urgency now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
