Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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