so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
