These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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