If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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