Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
