Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
