Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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