If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
