What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
