Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
