so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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