Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
