i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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