I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize