My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize