She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Barsexuality is the new black.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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