im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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