ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
