the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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