I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
