so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
